So I’ve Heard…

Let’s face it, I am not a healthy person.  I play one on the web, but the sad reality of it is this – I am just not a healthy person.  I try, believe me… but it seems for every day I eat healthy I eat poorly the next two or three, for every mile I ran training for Buffalo I’ve not run one since, for every glass of water I drink I’m chasing it with raspberry lemonade or the like.  And there sits Bruce, acoustic guitar in hand… “One step up and two steps back,” he sings…

Is he coming on to me?  What the hell is he even doing here?

I used to think I needed a ‘kickstart’ to get into getting healthy.  Most of the time, that was some kind of illness.  Like being laid up with a bad cold for a week.  Wow, I lost 7 pounds this week, alright, time to get healthy then.  And I would, but I’d fall off the wagon eventually.  Then the next year I’d get the flu.  Hey, throwing up and not eating, I lost 12 pounds.  And everyone would welcome me back on the wagon, until we passed a Long John Silver’s, where I’d jump off and run in, waving my middle finger in the air at them as they rolled away.  The next year I had to have a stent stuck in my ureter tube, which, let me tell you – until you’ve had something the size of a magic marker shoved up your dick, well, shut up.  Hmmm, pissing blood for two weeks has put me off my appetite and  I’ve lost 15 pounds, when I can move at all without crying I’m going to exercise more and keep this off.  Sure did, for a couple months… So what am I waiting for now?  A heart attack? (BTW, the ureter tube thing?  Yeah, turns out it wasn’t necessary at all)

…

OK, so I wrote that all a few days ago.  I felt like crap, and was in a ‘mood’ as we depressives like to call them.  I had a splitting headache and was just angry at everything, it’s this cute little thing I do.  So I head on home and Sue says, “Why don’t you go lie down for a bit, and see how you feel when you wake up?”  So I did.

I wake up as she’s walking back into the room and we talk about my wacky eccentricities, like stressing out to the point of causing my body to turn on me.  We talk about focus, and relaxation, and what’s actually important.  Apparently hearing his cue, Cooper climbs onto the bed and pats me on the head before deciding it’s a good time to see how high he can bounce.

I’ve never wanted to depend on anyone very close to me.  Honestly, I’ve rarely ever felt like I could if I had wanted to anyway.  But I’ve depended on Susan since the first time she held my hand back in college.

Talking to my cousin Lou the other night, we were both kind of shocked at how much time has gone by so quickly since we both got married.  This fall will be six years that Sue and I have been married, and fifteen that we’ve been together. 

Watching an episode of This American Life the other night, a man said of his wife of fifty years something to the effect of “…in that time we’ve been as close of friends as has ever been and as far apart as you could think two people would get, and I wouldn’t trade a single minute.”

I know exactly how he feels.

She is, to be honest, my everything, and I don’t recognize that enough.  No one else knows how to talk me down out of my own head, how to make me fall in love with her all over again, and how to piss me off to no end – which is just as it should be.  And no one else could have given us that little boy, no sir.  Nobody could have given us something that beautiful.  We wrote a love letter to each other, and we named him Cooper.

This one won’t get tossed into a shoe box though, because… you know, he’s a person and stuff.

~ by Dan on June 20, 2009.